Ack like you got a fambly.

After working there for a good two weeks, I finally have time to tell the Internet that I found a job at Dick’s Sporting Goods. I work in apparel and it turns out, I am very good at this! I knew I could sell makeup, that was an amazing job, but now I can also sell sportswear. Wonder of wonders. I actually really enjoy it and I really like the people I work with.

With that said, I must share some observations and advice with you for when you come to my store.

1. If you take more than one item into a fitting room, no matter what species (pants, shirt, sports bra, shorts), the items will breed. Rapidly.

2. When you leave one coat unzipped, the other coats will follow the leader. They closely resemble sheep.

3. If you are wearing any makeup whatsoever, and you try on something white, all of the makeup that was on your face will attach permanently to that article of clothing.

4. If you lose your child, they can be located in the blind upstairs in front of the tree stands.

5. Please remember, your mother raised you right. Don’t come in here and act like you don’t got a family. If what you do in or to my store would make your mother give you the look, you should probably not do it.

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